Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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