I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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