he wants to bone in the snuggie
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
