Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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