Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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