Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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