My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
