I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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