I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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