tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
sex in a hospital.. check
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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