I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
