McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
