I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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