oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
