Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
