i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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