I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
