I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
