I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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