This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize