you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There r osticjed everywhere
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
