watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
