I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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