i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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