sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
