I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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