yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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