A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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