Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
