I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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