She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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