That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
