i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize