I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
