Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
