We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
