Nicole vs. Life
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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