who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
