OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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