I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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