OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
well you can't waste a boner
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
