happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
