as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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