whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i believe in u and ur pee
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
