Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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