Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
