Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
