If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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