I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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