I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
