He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize