Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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