I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
