I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
