in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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