She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
