addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
