You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
