sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
