If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
