OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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