no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
