Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
