She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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