Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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