you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
