why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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