I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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