Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
