Christians are straight up FREAKS
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
