Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
