my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
