I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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