mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
