Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
