one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
