dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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