fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
