2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
honey bunches of taint.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize