i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
