Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
