i think my tv is drunk
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
