And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
