If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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