so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
