Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
