im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
