i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
