he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
