you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
