i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
