Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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