In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
