I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
